Post by rrw on Jan 19, 2011 13:41:55 GMT -5
Awhile back, JB wrote a poem based on Dante. It got me curious enough to read, for the first time, The Divine Comedy and fell in love with the idea of epic poetry. Below is the beginning of what, I hope, well be a much longer work. If you have time, please read and critique.
1. Time’s bitter gales had come again to blow upon my brow uncertain dreams,
Those muddled muddy thoughts had swayed me toward a path unknown.
And there I stood in wonder wondering where these angry gusts that tore
the roof from house, the branch from tree, where they might lead my careless feet.
5. Along the shores of Acheron, they say, the days are darker than the night.
And when the evening comes, they say, no moon, nor star well light your way
For there all word of God is muffled by a soft lament by those who swam
too far from land. Do listen close you may well hear the reaping of their souls.
. Although I often pleasured in the suffering of others far less fortunate than me,
I could not stay; I would not wait to listen there along that haunted shore
for I might find their grief too much to bear, too much despair beneath
the gray waves nipping at my toes, gripping at my none too sturdy heart.
13. But as I turned to walk away beyond the river’s rancid songs, a quiet sigh
bestowed itself within my fragile ear, a sound, a somber whisper, yes, oh my,
that’s what it was! It beckoned me to turn again and greet those waters dark;
its plea quite soft like autumn leaves caught in a breeze, “Please, don’t go.”
17. Though my legs knew better than to stand in place, they waited as I crooked
my neck to greet that ghostly tongue which pleaded with such mercy sought
that even my most callused manner couldn’t help but marvel at the tortured
tenderness expressed from deep within that river black, ”Don’t go.”
21. “Where are you?” cried I, squinting harshly through the gloom, my hope to spy
the phantom apparition, who my pity stirred awake with its wretched exclamation.
“Show yourself!” my voice demanded in a tenor harsher than my words intended,
“or I will leave you thus, amid grim Hades’ consequence, among the dead still dying.”
25. Then quite suddenly (in part, perhaps, by my persistence) deep beneath those toxic
depths there came a roar of churning bile escorted by unearthly lights of bloody red,
Medusa gold, a putrid hue of moldy green that bubbled, boiled like a hellish cauldron.
But just as quick, this tempest raging stopped… and all the world was deathly hushed.
29. A muted mist accumulated, rose atop the steamy holocaust that came before. As it twirled
in long thin strains and coiled about itself, this oddity began to burn unholy white and then...
and then, God help me, then commenced to weave itself into the figure of a man, no, surely
not a man but surely like a man it stood upon the waters, arms raised heavenward.
33. Uncontrollable, my hands began to quake, I gasped for air that was not there, heard
thundering in my chest as I gazed upon this counterfeit of Adam. Run away? Though
reason urged, “Leave at once this insanity,” dull-witted curiosity took priority over fear
as this… this morbid thing without true form began to drift toward the shore... and me.
37. It zigzagged ‘cross the waters ‘til in front of me began to hover. In a constant state
of spectral motion, pulsing pearly white, this creature born in blackest night bowed that…
that strange, misshapen head once left then right as if it willfully did study me; though no eye
could I see, no mouth, no brow, aware it surely was. It could see… saw me, somehow.
41. “Hello,” said I, the only word that I could find. Then slowly there appeared upon
that awkward phiz two dark-skinned holes. Like cigarette burns on a tablecloth,
the edges of the sockets glowed a devilish, fire red. “And I suppose,” I said,
“those ghastly cavities are your unnatural depiction of my oh, too human eyes?”
45. Beneath those two unnerving orbs a grayish slit began to form. A mouth, it surely
was, a jagged mouth. And from it came no sound but little puffs of drifting smoke
that spelled in haste the letters, O-L-L-E-H. It did not take me long to realize,
this silent banshee was—with limited linguistic skills—yes, trying to speak back at me.
49. I opened up my mouth to say… I know not what… before the words … whatever
they were meant to be… could venture out beyond my lips, this thing of morning mist did
slip itself, yes, all itself inside my mouth! I could not breath, perhaps I whizzed before
I toppled to the ground. “My, God!” I thought,” is this my death?” I knew it truly was.
I
Along the Shores of Acheron
Along the Shores of Acheron
1. Time’s bitter gales had come again to blow upon my brow uncertain dreams,
Those muddled muddy thoughts had swayed me toward a path unknown.
And there I stood in wonder wondering where these angry gusts that tore
the roof from house, the branch from tree, where they might lead my careless feet.
5. Along the shores of Acheron, they say, the days are darker than the night.
And when the evening comes, they say, no moon, nor star well light your way
For there all word of God is muffled by a soft lament by those who swam
too far from land. Do listen close you may well hear the reaping of their souls.
. Although I often pleasured in the suffering of others far less fortunate than me,
I could not stay; I would not wait to listen there along that haunted shore
for I might find their grief too much to bear, too much despair beneath
the gray waves nipping at my toes, gripping at my none too sturdy heart.
13. But as I turned to walk away beyond the river’s rancid songs, a quiet sigh
bestowed itself within my fragile ear, a sound, a somber whisper, yes, oh my,
that’s what it was! It beckoned me to turn again and greet those waters dark;
its plea quite soft like autumn leaves caught in a breeze, “Please, don’t go.”
17. Though my legs knew better than to stand in place, they waited as I crooked
my neck to greet that ghostly tongue which pleaded with such mercy sought
that even my most callused manner couldn’t help but marvel at the tortured
tenderness expressed from deep within that river black, ”Don’t go.”
21. “Where are you?” cried I, squinting harshly through the gloom, my hope to spy
the phantom apparition, who my pity stirred awake with its wretched exclamation.
“Show yourself!” my voice demanded in a tenor harsher than my words intended,
“or I will leave you thus, amid grim Hades’ consequence, among the dead still dying.”
25. Then quite suddenly (in part, perhaps, by my persistence) deep beneath those toxic
depths there came a roar of churning bile escorted by unearthly lights of bloody red,
Medusa gold, a putrid hue of moldy green that bubbled, boiled like a hellish cauldron.
But just as quick, this tempest raging stopped… and all the world was deathly hushed.
29. A muted mist accumulated, rose atop the steamy holocaust that came before. As it twirled
in long thin strains and coiled about itself, this oddity began to burn unholy white and then...
and then, God help me, then commenced to weave itself into the figure of a man, no, surely
not a man but surely like a man it stood upon the waters, arms raised heavenward.
33. Uncontrollable, my hands began to quake, I gasped for air that was not there, heard
thundering in my chest as I gazed upon this counterfeit of Adam. Run away? Though
reason urged, “Leave at once this insanity,” dull-witted curiosity took priority over fear
as this… this morbid thing without true form began to drift toward the shore... and me.
37. It zigzagged ‘cross the waters ‘til in front of me began to hover. In a constant state
of spectral motion, pulsing pearly white, this creature born in blackest night bowed that…
that strange, misshapen head once left then right as if it willfully did study me; though no eye
could I see, no mouth, no brow, aware it surely was. It could see… saw me, somehow.
41. “Hello,” said I, the only word that I could find. Then slowly there appeared upon
that awkward phiz two dark-skinned holes. Like cigarette burns on a tablecloth,
the edges of the sockets glowed a devilish, fire red. “And I suppose,” I said,
“those ghastly cavities are your unnatural depiction of my oh, too human eyes?”
45. Beneath those two unnerving orbs a grayish slit began to form. A mouth, it surely
was, a jagged mouth. And from it came no sound but little puffs of drifting smoke
that spelled in haste the letters, O-L-L-E-H. It did not take me long to realize,
this silent banshee was—with limited linguistic skills—yes, trying to speak back at me.
49. I opened up my mouth to say… I know not what… before the words … whatever
they were meant to be… could venture out beyond my lips, this thing of morning mist did
slip itself, yes, all itself inside my mouth! I could not breath, perhaps I whizzed before
I toppled to the ground. “My, God!” I thought,” is this my death?” I knew it truly was.