Post by fallenwingz on Oct 14, 2010 7:10:11 GMT -5
Its funny when they say all things comes to an end mostly I situate that with dying or when someone has moved on. But just the word LOVE can bring many things to our lives. It could be the start of something new, something you would never imagine could hit you with a ton of bricks where you actually betrayed that love and make it like it meant nothing to you. I can sit here all day contemplating on the word love.
It’s been quite awhile now since I told her to move on with her life. I mean nobody told me it would take this long to get over a relationship. She is probably married in love with another. Probably with a family. All those things we talked about and here I am sitting and watching out my big glass door as the waves crashed against the shore.
And on my IPod for the last couple of years the same song kept playing, Try Sleeping With A Broken heart by Alicia Keys. I remember that morning I sat at my office desk and this exact song came playing on the radio it triggered my mind from memories of us since that day and here two years later it still does. The tears may have dried but some days I would walk on my private beach side and just stare out over the ocean wanting to call out her name, as I know saying it or just the feel of it on my tongue will get me depressed. Depressed where I want to take the first flight out there and see if she still remembers me, the last time I heard of her was exactly two years today. I wonder if she got all my books I forward to her address.
So yes I am sleeping every night with that broken heart that took place so long ago. I thought that one day I can stop holding onto this fantasy of us. Of us ever finding our way back to each other. Hopeless thinking I know. I have given up on that dream. But in the end I still miss her every day. Our departure wasn’t something I ever thought would happen, she was the one who always came back no matter how I treated her she always came back.
In my head I see her in front of me. The last time I was walking on the beach not to far from me is a cliff not so high but I knew it was her are it’s just my mind seeing things I want to. Her long blonde hair was brushing up as the breeze picked up. She was faced to me as I stood there standing still my feet soaked by the water coming towards me. I try to move but I couldn’t it was like time stood still and when I closed my eyes because of the sun shining in them she disappeared. That was the last time I saw her. I can still see those dimples it was imprinted in my mind.
I knew it was going to be hard to move on without her there. My life fell apart because I was holding onto a broken dream. A dream I thought one day I would live out with the girl I truly loved with all my heart.
I pushed her away I knew that. I was the one who would shut off and make as I am okay. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. Nothing all this I have. This house, the millions of books I have sold nothing can ever change the lost I feel. The empty hollowness I have found now. I have become a different person since then. I never thought I would get this far in my career, but she always believed in me that someday I will be that best selling author.
In the back I here a door opens. I sometimes forgot about these sleepovers people tend to stay over after every party. I ran into a couple of my friends I use to hangout before I knew the blonde. I didn’t want her too see this version of me, she deserves the best life could give her.
“Leigh.” I hear the voice say. Its times like this I just want to crawl and hide for good.
“Yeah.” I say.
“You need to let go hun. We are worried about you.” she says.
“I am fine.” I tell her. She comes to sit on the chair opposite me as I dig my face even deeper into my laptop.
“You aren’t fine Leigh, you were never fine. Gosh she moved on she is dating. Why can’t you let go from this.” She yells at me. I hate having her here because she seems to get into my business a lot more.
“She is going to come back I know that. She loves me.” I tell her.
“Leigh, she isn’t coming back don’t you see.” I slammed the laptop down as I push the chair falling over it. I couldn’t do this I can’t live in this world knowing I have lost. All those little things we do her morning and night emails. Her face popping up on my phone whenever I called her or the other way around. It’s the little things that I have come to love about her. Seeing her blush. Those eyes that I can stare into for days. The sound of her voice that makes me want to hear it for a life time. I don’t think I can take this pain inside. I don’t have a heart she took it with her that day. Maybe she is married to that girl and has a life with her. Laughing at my patheticness.
“What do I now Addie? What should I do now that I know it isn’t happening for us? I should have stayed with her, I should have made her realise but it was too late.” I tell her but more telling myself.
“Leigh we don’t know what the future lays ahead for us. Lauren had her heart broken over and over by you but yet she forgave you all those other times. But the last time she just couldn’t do it. As much as she loved you what about her heart.” She says. My tears turned into sobs.
“But she was supposed to wait. She knew how I was. Are how I used to be.” I tell her. As I wiped my face with my shirt.
“I promise it will get easy one day. You need to accept this is how it is. You have the potential to be that great person she knew and love. Meet other people. Girls. Date hang out have fun.” She says as she pat my back and rubbing it as I started to grab her by the shirt and burry my face in it.
“We going to get you back on your feet and we going to shower and get you in some nice clothes and we going to face the outside world. You have been hiding in here for way too long.” She says.
“Addie. Why is it so hard when I had her I kept her from a far and when I lost her I wanted to end my life. How come my life is always complicated? I never want to love like that again. Lauren was the one that got lost. The one I send away.” I lift my head as I was saying that to her. The same brown ones starring me back.
“You Leigh Davis and you are a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You have so much going for you Leigh. You have an amazing life which you hardly partake in.” I love Addie she stood by me not letting me drown.
“It’s always to late right.” I stood up as I walked over to the mantle on it was various things I have collected all over the world but it’s the one stood on the other side that has always been my favourite. I picked it up and turned to Addie.
“Do you remember this one? She gave this to me many years ago. Our first Christmas I was like I kid who just got her new toy.” I told her. I felt a smile tug at my lips.
“A water globe.” I hear Addie saying.
“I remember coming home from picking it up from the post office. I was more ecstatic to call her and tell her I got it. I got home and opened the box up and there it was a beautiful gift wrap with my name on from her. I ripped the wrapping off as I wanting to see it. When I finally did. I was mesmerized by how much she has put into the perfect water globe. It’s a beautiful gold lion. The lion and the lamb.” I tell her. Remembering.
“You told me it meant something to the both of you.”
“Yes. Twilight.
And so the lion fell in love with the lamb….
What a stupid lamb….
What a sick masochistic lion…".
“Oh Leigh.” She says. Knowing that I have been watching that same part of the movie over and over.
“You will find that again one day.” She says. I don’t think any of my friends understand when you loose someone that has been apart of your life for a fraction of your life. That it feels like dying. That the heart is an organ that can be very poisonous to your emotional state and just maybe I will one day find someone else are I will still be stuck here in this beach house. Looking out of my big glass windows. But the fact of the matter is we are all lost little children after our hearts get broken. We crawl into our fetus position and kept asking why. Why this or why that.
But out of this I can one day say I met my Lamb and she was a beauty.
She always said I was just like Bella. In more ways I were you know? The sarcastic innuendos. We are so much alike me and her.
But like Addie said I am LEIGH DAVIS.
It’s been quite awhile now since I told her to move on with her life. I mean nobody told me it would take this long to get over a relationship. She is probably married in love with another. Probably with a family. All those things we talked about and here I am sitting and watching out my big glass door as the waves crashed against the shore.
And on my IPod for the last couple of years the same song kept playing, Try Sleeping With A Broken heart by Alicia Keys. I remember that morning I sat at my office desk and this exact song came playing on the radio it triggered my mind from memories of us since that day and here two years later it still does. The tears may have dried but some days I would walk on my private beach side and just stare out over the ocean wanting to call out her name, as I know saying it or just the feel of it on my tongue will get me depressed. Depressed where I want to take the first flight out there and see if she still remembers me, the last time I heard of her was exactly two years today. I wonder if she got all my books I forward to her address.
So yes I am sleeping every night with that broken heart that took place so long ago. I thought that one day I can stop holding onto this fantasy of us. Of us ever finding our way back to each other. Hopeless thinking I know. I have given up on that dream. But in the end I still miss her every day. Our departure wasn’t something I ever thought would happen, she was the one who always came back no matter how I treated her she always came back.
In my head I see her in front of me. The last time I was walking on the beach not to far from me is a cliff not so high but I knew it was her are it’s just my mind seeing things I want to. Her long blonde hair was brushing up as the breeze picked up. She was faced to me as I stood there standing still my feet soaked by the water coming towards me. I try to move but I couldn’t it was like time stood still and when I closed my eyes because of the sun shining in them she disappeared. That was the last time I saw her. I can still see those dimples it was imprinted in my mind.
I knew it was going to be hard to move on without her there. My life fell apart because I was holding onto a broken dream. A dream I thought one day I would live out with the girl I truly loved with all my heart.
I pushed her away I knew that. I was the one who would shut off and make as I am okay. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love her. Nothing all this I have. This house, the millions of books I have sold nothing can ever change the lost I feel. The empty hollowness I have found now. I have become a different person since then. I never thought I would get this far in my career, but she always believed in me that someday I will be that best selling author.
In the back I here a door opens. I sometimes forgot about these sleepovers people tend to stay over after every party. I ran into a couple of my friends I use to hangout before I knew the blonde. I didn’t want her too see this version of me, she deserves the best life could give her.
“Leigh.” I hear the voice say. Its times like this I just want to crawl and hide for good.
“Yeah.” I say.
“You need to let go hun. We are worried about you.” she says.
“I am fine.” I tell her. She comes to sit on the chair opposite me as I dig my face even deeper into my laptop.
“You aren’t fine Leigh, you were never fine. Gosh she moved on she is dating. Why can’t you let go from this.” She yells at me. I hate having her here because she seems to get into my business a lot more.
“She is going to come back I know that. She loves me.” I tell her.
“Leigh, she isn’t coming back don’t you see.” I slammed the laptop down as I push the chair falling over it. I couldn’t do this I can’t live in this world knowing I have lost. All those little things we do her morning and night emails. Her face popping up on my phone whenever I called her or the other way around. It’s the little things that I have come to love about her. Seeing her blush. Those eyes that I can stare into for days. The sound of her voice that makes me want to hear it for a life time. I don’t think I can take this pain inside. I don’t have a heart she took it with her that day. Maybe she is married to that girl and has a life with her. Laughing at my patheticness.
“What do I now Addie? What should I do now that I know it isn’t happening for us? I should have stayed with her, I should have made her realise but it was too late.” I tell her but more telling myself.
“Leigh we don’t know what the future lays ahead for us. Lauren had her heart broken over and over by you but yet she forgave you all those other times. But the last time she just couldn’t do it. As much as she loved you what about her heart.” She says. My tears turned into sobs.
“But she was supposed to wait. She knew how I was. Are how I used to be.” I tell her. As I wiped my face with my shirt.
“I promise it will get easy one day. You need to accept this is how it is. You have the potential to be that great person she knew and love. Meet other people. Girls. Date hang out have fun.” She says as she pat my back and rubbing it as I started to grab her by the shirt and burry my face in it.
“We going to get you back on your feet and we going to shower and get you in some nice clothes and we going to face the outside world. You have been hiding in here for way too long.” She says.
“Addie. Why is it so hard when I had her I kept her from a far and when I lost her I wanted to end my life. How come my life is always complicated? I never want to love like that again. Lauren was the one that got lost. The one I send away.” I lift my head as I was saying that to her. The same brown ones starring me back.
“You Leigh Davis and you are a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You have so much going for you Leigh. You have an amazing life which you hardly partake in.” I love Addie she stood by me not letting me drown.
“It’s always to late right.” I stood up as I walked over to the mantle on it was various things I have collected all over the world but it’s the one stood on the other side that has always been my favourite. I picked it up and turned to Addie.
“Do you remember this one? She gave this to me many years ago. Our first Christmas I was like I kid who just got her new toy.” I told her. I felt a smile tug at my lips.
“A water globe.” I hear Addie saying.
“I remember coming home from picking it up from the post office. I was more ecstatic to call her and tell her I got it. I got home and opened the box up and there it was a beautiful gift wrap with my name on from her. I ripped the wrapping off as I wanting to see it. When I finally did. I was mesmerized by how much she has put into the perfect water globe. It’s a beautiful gold lion. The lion and the lamb.” I tell her. Remembering.
“You told me it meant something to the both of you.”
“Yes. Twilight.
And so the lion fell in love with the lamb….
What a stupid lamb….
What a sick masochistic lion…".
“Oh Leigh.” She says. Knowing that I have been watching that same part of the movie over and over.
“You will find that again one day.” She says. I don’t think any of my friends understand when you loose someone that has been apart of your life for a fraction of your life. That it feels like dying. That the heart is an organ that can be very poisonous to your emotional state and just maybe I will one day find someone else are I will still be stuck here in this beach house. Looking out of my big glass windows. But the fact of the matter is we are all lost little children after our hearts get broken. We crawl into our fetus position and kept asking why. Why this or why that.
But out of this I can one day say I met my Lamb and she was a beauty.
She always said I was just like Bella. In more ways I were you know? The sarcastic innuendos. We are so much alike me and her.
But like Addie said I am LEIGH DAVIS.
and 
all
time for me 
echoes, hope you all are doing well 
