SINS

[diasdoano]

I am reposting this poem "Sins " ( posted the day before ), in order to correct the second verse, last stanza. Sorry for the mistake ! So, here it is again !


Sins


The night was calm ! Very calm !
The silence spread everywhere !
Voiceless words sounded softly
As if they meant to me, at ears :

"Here is my friend bosom ,
In case you need it to rest
Or meditate on your sins !"

So, I leant my head on it,
Hearing all that tranquility,
So,I thought over, and concluded :
They are much more, than less !

Domício Dias

[rrw]

Nice use of rhythm, very lively...

[The Great Fulcanelli]

Haven't seen the original, but you sure did good by this one. It seems a bit awkward but I can assure you it is still an impressive work from someone writing in a foreign language.

[diasdoano]

Thank you,rrw for your encouraging comment!

Domício.

[diasdoano]

cock-robin, I liked your comment as well "warning light" very much !
Domício.

[purplespirit]

This is a very inspiring poem my friend and it reveals some of our human weakness. As long as we recognize the wrong we do, to us is given a chance to improve. It is a blessing to have someone trustworthy to find comfort and support in times of doubt. Your write works as a lesson, thank you! Ursula xx

[diasdoano]

Your comment, dear Ulla, is so great ... ! Thanks for helping me to believe I am able to put my poetic ideas on paper !

Domício.

[jbstillwater]

I did not see the original but I do like this one. I would not get too hung up on punctuation on this type of verse,let it flow freely, maybe no punctuation at all.

Jan

[diasdoano]

Your comment was very welcome and thanked Jan, specially the helpful advice !

Domício.

[diasdoano]

To my friends all !

Sorry for for my ignorance , I am a beginner at Echoes...) ! I posted the poem which about I referred to (interpreted as being original ) but different of thought I had got , it was not posted indeed , so excuse me again !

Domicio.