|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 12, 2012 15:23:53 GMT -5
Off Highway  , 1968 They stepped carefully over the body
parts scattered along the jungle trail.
Friend, enemy? Hard to tell.
Mostly just pieces, an arm over here, a leg or
what looked like legs over there under a pile
of bruised flesh, dried blood.
Sometimes they’d find a whole head, face still intact.
Most times not, but sometimes it’d have a shocked
look in its eyes, like the guy just couldn’t believe it,
what had happened to him... and they’d laugh. Stateside, 2011 Today, the doctor told him, “There’s nothing
left to do... Sure, there are drugs you can take
to ease the pain a bit, but—“
The water from the washroom sink
feels cool in his hands, cold on his face.
From the mirror above the sink, he sees
an old man... He looks surprised.
|
|
|
|
Post by michaelgallatin on Feb 13, 2012 12:55:15 GMT -5
Truly hope this one isn't personal my friend! It's stark and realistic and to the point. One small thing I noticed, did you mean to say "jest" for the effect or did you want "just" in the first verse. This hit home somewhat! A Nam vet, father of one of my daughter's old friends died recently at 68. To make things even more sad and ironic, he not long ago won $1,000,000 on the lottery. Strange, sad world isn't it?
Take care,
Mike
|
|
|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 13, 2012 13:17:07 GMT -5
Truly hope this one isn't personal my friend! It's stark and realistic and to the point. One small thing I noticed, did you mean to say "jest" for the effect or did you want "just" in the first verse. This hit home somewhat! A Nam vet, father of one of my daughter's old friends died recently at 68. To make things even more sad and ironic, he not long ago won $1,000,000 on the lottery. Strange, sad world isn't it? Take care, Mike Yeah, it was a typo. Thanks for pointing it out... although I like the word "jest." No, not really autobiographical... I just liked the idea of looking shocked before you die... weird sort of thing, I suppose... just thought it was interesting... |
|
|
|
Post by michaelgallatin on Feb 13, 2012 13:26:14 GMT -5
 Let's have one then to this not being autobiographical as that would certainly "suck bigtime"! I do like the contrast here. The soldiers looking at dead bodies and laughing. I'm sure not all did/do that but some do as a show of bravado or because, sadly, it really does amuse them. And then the old soldier finding out he has a terminal illness and being shocked as he finally faces death. I think most of us are shocked at the moment of death. I'd prefer to go out with peace, gentleness and dignity like the elderly Grandma in Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine. Maybe with a bit of luck I will! I certainly hope so! Take care, Mike
|
|
|
|
Post by jbstillwater on Feb 13, 2012 19:20:15 GMT -5
Very real, stark and right on the edge, maybe a bit over, but all the same a great poem!
|
|
|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 15, 2012 1:39:46 GMT -5
Let's have one then to this not being autobiographical as that would certainly "suck bigtime"! I do like the contrast here. The soldiers looking at dead bodies and laughing. I'm sure not all did/do that but some do as a show of bravado or because, sadly, it really does amuse them. And then the old soldier finding out he has a terminal illness and being shocked as he finally faces death. I think most of us are shocked at the moment of death. I'd prefer to go out with peace, gentleness and dignity like the elderly Grandma in Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine. Maybe with a bit of luck I will! I certainly hope so! Take care, Mike The Vietnam part was inspired by a guy who survived a pretty bad fire fight. He fellow survivors took some rather graphic photos with a corpse... Not pleasant to look at. |
|
|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 15, 2012 1:40:39 GMT -5
Very real, stark and right on the edge, maybe a bit over, but all the same a great poem! I would hope it's a bit over the line... thanks, JB, for the input. |
|
|
|
Post by purplespirit on Feb 15, 2012 12:51:00 GMT -5
Stark and tragic, made me feel cold immediately, thus no doubt it is a great write. Thank you. Ulla xx
|
|
|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 17, 2012 22:12:34 GMT -5
I like the stark idea. Yeah, I want to draw on more of that.
|
|
|
|
Post by johan on Feb 21, 2012 6:48:46 GMT -5
Very stark poetry Rob, but as you always do, you write it in such a way that the reader can understand, tragic though.
Johan
|
|
|
|
Post by rrw on Feb 21, 2012 16:16:49 GMT -5
Very stark poetry Rob, but as you always do, you write it in such a way that the reader can understand, tragic though. Johan Thanks, Johan. I guess mostly I write about the tragedy of living... and the ironic situations I often find myself in. |
|
, 1968
Let's have one then to this not being autobiographical as that would certainly "suck bigtime"! I do like the contrast here. The soldiers looking at dead bodies and laughing. I'm sure not all did/do that but some do as a show of bravado or because, sadly, it really does amuse them. And then the old soldier finding out he has a terminal illness and being shocked as he finally faces death. I think most of us are shocked at the moment of death. I'd prefer to go out with peace, gentleness and dignity like the elderly Grandma in Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine. Maybe with a bit of luck I will! I certainly hope so!
and 
all
time for me 
echoes, hope you all are doing well 
